Week 107: Do skorého videnia

Last trivia night ever. I was on a team with Elder Abbott and three other friends. Before the trivia started, I was telling Miles jokes™️. If you don't know what those are, it might be a little hard for me to explain. There is a process behind it, though, which can be summed up in a few steps:

1. Find a word (ex. window). 

2. Modify the word (LOSEdow). 

3. Use the word in a normal sentence without anyone expecting it. 

4. Wait for people to get it.

One friend was laughing hard, the second hardly laughing and the third didn't seem to get any of them. "I'm a big fan of Miles jokes," said the first friend.

Then all of the sudden, the same waitress that once tried to get us to buy drinks came around. She said her classic line: "C'mon, if you want to come, you need to buy something."

Everyone was silent for a few seconds, so I just spoke up: "I already brushed my teeth." Everyone laughed except the waitress. Someone ordered lemonade to satisfy her, and then as she was about to leave, she told me, "If you don't order anything, you can't come and participate next time." Okay, deal.

"That was a good one," said the friend that wasn't amused by my other jokes. But this one wasn't a joke.

Maybe you know that today is my time as a missionary has come to an end. Missions? They're hard. Sometimes you feel completely inadequate, or you feel that you aren't making too much of a difference in much or anyone at all. What's even harder, though, is when you have to leave after having realized none of that is true. Through the deep, personal connections I've developed with others, I've been able to influence them and they me. I love these people more than I could have imagined loving anyone before coming here. While studying the scriptures, I read this passage written by Nephi about his own people, which relates to me so much that I began to cry upon reading it: "I pray continually for them by day, and mine eyes water my pillow by night, because of them; and I cry unto my God in faith, and I know that he will hear my cry" (2 Nephi 33:3).

I know God loves His children more than I do. They will be okay. I pray that I will continue to become the kind of person that can influence them and people like them for good and open their minds to new ideas. I've experienced change through the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ, and I promise you that it is possible to change and that more joy than you think awaits you. Look to the good examples you have around you and it will give you the desire to achieve great change and the faith to take the next step. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Week 106: Best wingman

Our friend that we go to trivia night with every week has been doing our work for us. The other day, he was telling me about a 5-minute phone call he had with his sister, trying to convince her that meeting with people from our church "isn't that bad". He worked his magic and she ended up meeting with missionaries in the city she studies in. They used the meeting as an opportunity to help her practice her English. 

Later, I got a message from this friend, saying he managed to get a very rare roast on Elder Nicholls, one of the missionaries that met with his sister. It truly was "too epic not to share". He sent me a screenshot of their conversation:

Elder Nicholls: "You're sister is better than you at English."

Friend: "And both of us are better than you are. I'd never confuse you're and your."

***

The other day, I was talking with someone on the bus (as you do when you're a missionary). Then we switched to English. The guy across from me, who had been silent up to that point, blurted out, "Where are you from? I can't pinpoint it." At this point, I usually say "New York", but when people speak English, I'm inclined to be more specific.

"I'm from Connecticut," I said.

"No way," he said. "Stamford?"

"THAT'S MY HOME TOWN," I said, jaw dropped to the ground. I'll be honest, meeting someone from my city might have been a shock in Bratislava, or even Prague. But Banská Bystrica? Turns out my man lived in Stamford for 4 years growing up. I still got some time here, so we agreed to meet up for a drink. We have a lot to diskutovať.

Week 105: Nicholls and Dimes

I always time our exchanges to line up with quiz night so that our friends there can get to know more missionaries. Pretty smart, huh? When we arrived, one of our friends was already there. He had just returned from a trip to Jordan, so we hadn't been able to meet with him in a while. While we were catching up, a waitress came and asked if we'll have anything to drink...

"Not for me."

"Nope."

"Nah."

She was a bit annoyed and told us that we had to order something to participate in quiz night. That's a lie, but whatever. Elder Nicholls and I each ordered overpriced lemonade. 

When the final member of our team arrived, the teahouse was getting pretty full. All of the sudden, we were informed that we could not participate as a team because no one signed our team up in advance. The one friend ditched and joined another team while the friend who just arrived, Elder Nicholls and I were kicked out. "We're not staying for the lemonade," I told the waitress. Hey, we saved 6 euros altogether, so it was a win in my book.

Our friend, though disappointed, gladly walked us to our bus stop so we could go home. Our conversation somehow ended up being about Elder Nicholls' love of soda.

"It's really bad," said our friend. "It's like sin."

I chimed in: "You know what protects us against sin? The Book of Mormon."

"Why did you have to go there...?" said our friend.

Elder Nicholls: "I'll make you a deal. For ever cup of soda I don't drink, you have to read a chapter from the Book of Mormon."

Friend: "That's easy for you."

Nicholls: "No, I love soda!" Then our bus finally came. We shook hands and our friend began walking away. "Stop drinking soda," he said. "It destroys you!"

Nicholls: "So does not reading the Book of Mormon!" Boom, roasted. Then the bus doors closed.

Week 104: Will age

Hey everyone! I appreciate the responses I've been getting to my emails. I admit it's a bit of a hassle to write every week, but it is a good feeling to know someone's reading and enjoying. So thank you. I only have a few more of these, anyway. 

The elders from Žilina came down for an exchange here in Bystrica. Elder Rice, currently serving in Žilina, told me about some success they had in offering help with teaching English at a private school; they were introduced to a lot of people who then bombarded them with questions about their missions, the church, and so forth. So as part of our exchange, we looked online for some private English schools. Lo and behold, we found a school that teaches many languages, which would have a free introductory class for English and German just that evening.

"Wanna go?" Elder Rice asked. We decided that it would be fun to sprechen some Deutsch, get to know the students and teacher and offer help. We signed up.

During the class, we didn't say that we were from America. We just participated normally and with ease.

"Is Bratislava a willage?" the instructor asked Elder Rice. 

"No," answered Elder Rice, "Bratislava is not a vvvillage. It's a city." We felt pretty confident and smart until they switched over to German. Then we got wrecked.

[If it weren't for the name badges, they totally look black ops.]

Week 103: IT'S BUĽКING ŠĚÄŠÔŇ

Once you hit your year and a half mark, there's no time to waste when it comes to getting into shape, which for me means eating a ton of meat and lots of push ups. The "Hassle Zone" group chat was finally renamed to "Sme na objemovke", which means, being interpreted, "It's bulking season".

A very nice lady whom we've been teaching for a few months recently invited us over for lunch at her place! Then she told us that she's a vegetarian. That's fine, but what about bulking season?

We strategically set the appointment for 1 pm so I could bulk up with leftovers beforehand. With one hour until the meeting, I began throwing together what I had: beef, lettuce, tomato, pasta, sunflower seeds, soy sauce; it didn't need to look pretty, it just needed the right stuff. My companion seemed worried that I would overeat and not have room for our lunch with the lady. "Don't worry," I told him. "Vegetarian doesn't fill me up, anyway."

And guess who was right? We enjoyed some deep-fried mushrooms with cabbage soup. I ended up taking a second helping and eating more than my companion. Felt like an appetizer.

***

Imagine being a missionary in a city where you either have to assign talks for church in advance or give them yourself, sometimes last-minute. Even if you're on top of giving assignments, only a handful of members regularly attend church anyway, so either way everyone speaks a lot at church. 

So Elder Dransfield, the branch president of the Žilina branch, suggested that we could lighten the burden on everyone by broadcasting talks from Žilina to us one week, and then we would broadcast from Bystrica to them the next. Sounds good to me! For now, that would mean I wouldn't have to worry about giving or assigning talks for the coming Sunday, because Žilina would take care of it, or for the following Sunday, as we would be in Bratislava for a conference, or for the next one, because it would be fast Sunday, and no one should prepare talks for fast Sunday.

On Sunday morning, I called President Dransfield to make sure everything was going smoothly:

Starší Dransfield: "Starší Dransfield."

Me: "Hey, President Dransfield. How's Skyping going to work?"

Him: "We're going to start that in three weeks, after fast Sunday."

Me: ...

Him: "Will that be okay?"

Me: "Yeah."

Him: "Okay, see you at conference."

I turned to Elder Abbott, who has been in Slovakia for a month now: "Can you give a talk?"

Elder Abbott: "I can try, for how long?"

Me: "The longer, the better."

Long story short, you know I survived because I am writing this email today.

***

You know there had to be a story from trivia night! Elder Abbott and I were on a team with two of our friends and one more whom we didn't know quite as well. Suddenly, one of them broke a candle and began trying to put it back together. I said, "Hm, this reminds me of when Christ's church fell apart after the death of His apostles." We watched as he hopelessly tried to squish all the pieces back together. "If you succeed," I continued, "I will join your church and attend with you every day."

"NO, not every day," he said. It looked like he was about to succeed in putting the candle back to the way it was. 

"Welcome, brother!" said the other one with a big smile on his face as he put his arm around my shoulder.

Elder Abbott, it looks like you're on your own.

Week 102: I hate it—but I love it!

What's really, really amazing about emailing is it gives people the opportunity to get the best, most entertaining weeklies they've ever had in their lives.

We're writing over 300 words here!

But the only way you're going to get the results, and the quality emails you want, is that you've got to BRING IT!

Writing weeklies: I hate it—but I love it!

***

Alright, enough weirdness. If you know anything about P90X, you'll know that I took that quote above from one of their workout videos and modified it to my needs. It's from one of their 15-minute abdominal workouts, Ab-ripper X. At least one missionary in every companionship has this video, and we all have it memorized.

After a lesson with one of our friends, I was trying to convince him that eating healthy is the way to go, although I'm not that good at it myself. But I recently got back into eating plain yogurt for breakfast. Sure, it's made me dry heave a couple times in the last couple days, but then I feel so good throughout the day that I almost can't live without it. "I hate it," I told him, "but I love it!"

"That doesn't make sense," he said. "You just contradicted yourself. You might as well say, 'This pen is black, but it's white!'" No, no. I think he just doesn't want to admit that he likes plain yogurt.

***

This love-hate principle applies in the gospel. The goal is to become like Jesus Christ. That requires a lot of change, which requires a lot of effort. Honestly, it's sometimes so hard to change and it can feel overwhelming, ergo I hate it. But going back to the food comparison, I once ate plain yogurt to the point where tasting sugary cereal made me feel sick. I couldn't believe that my body was actually accustomed to such horrible food! 

The part I love about the gospel is how much my character has changed over time, even unbelievably. Who am I to talk, though; there's still much change that needs to happen. But Jesus Christ suffered and died so that we could change and overcome the effects of sin. If you feel like you need to change but don't know how to achieve it, pour out your heart to your Heavenly Father and tell Him exactly how you feel. He will answer your prayers, just be ready to act!

Week 101: Otvoriť si vineu po americky

Best missionary work I've ever done? Being in the home of a family of eight playing Hedbanz and picking from a variety of American candies they received from an acquaintance.

Me: "I'll do you a favor and taste test all of it to make sure it's the real deal."

Eldest son: "Wow. Look at you truly fulfilling your missionary service."

Me: "Don't mention it."

I was eating cake with one hand while opening a box of Ritz crackers with the other. Everyone watched in wonderment as I opened a sleeve single-handedly... I mean with one hand. 

"That's how they open crackers in America," said the dad. "Right?"

"Huh? Oh, that's right," I lied. We're allowed to lie sometimes.

"Really?" said one of the kids. "Is that how you open soda, too?" They brought out a liter of grape soda.

"Yes," I said confidently, but beneath the surface I was nervous. I wanted to keep the act going, though. I watched as they passed around the bottle, trying to open it with one hand "po americky", or "after the manner of Americans". One of the kids does gymnastics, so I'm pretty sure she's stronger than I am, but even she didn't manage to break the seal. I was in trouble.

The bottle finally made its way around to me. Here goes nothing. I gripped the top tightly and pinched the cap between my pointer and thumb. It took a little strain but I was able to break the seal. 

"Is it normal for Americans to open it that way?" asked one kid. 

"For most of us, yes."

***

Even though there are better ways to find people to teach other than through street contacting, we thought about it and came to the conclusion that it has some benefits. It provides opportunities for you to practice opening your mouth and sharing the gospel, which is a really useful skill in every other situation as well. 

For example, there's a man that missionaries have seen around the city a lot and have developed a good relationship with, but the first time I know of that he's been taught was when we invited him to go play ping pong with us. While waiting for our turn to use the table, we explained the message of the restoration to him and agreed to talk more about the Book of Mormon next week. You can do things with people other than just talking to them randomly on the street, just be sure to open your mouth and share the message. It can be totally natural, unless you're naturally an awkward person like I am. Even then it's fine sometimes. 

Having said that, I still think making time to go talk to people on the streets, among other things, is a good way to get comfortable with leaving your comfort zone. So that's what we did. Welcome to the hassle zone.

Week 100: Můj člověg Starší Rýže

Elder Smith is dying. Not actually, but if you know missionary lingo, the start of a missionary's mission marks his birth and the end marks his death. I forget that not everybody knows this when I tell a new missionary, "I was born in Nitra."

"What?!" he might react. "You're a Slovak?" 

So Elder Smith is dying. You might remember him from pics in the MTC. I never told you this, but I once threw a missionary handbook at his face at point blank range in the MTC cafeteria. He's also the one I got wormy with in week 48, if you remember that video of us dancing. He's one of my best friends, and luckily I won't miss him for too long because he's leaving only six weeks early for school.

Elder Abbott is really cool, not just because he listens to almost everything I say. I tell him that tracting isn't the most effective and he believes me. Disclaimer: if you served a mission and really got a kick out of tracting, I'm not taking that away from you. However, the way most homes are set up here combined with the people's negative perception on proselytizing, especially the door-to-door approach, does not provide an ideal environment for much positive interaction while tracting. 

That being said, we went to deliver a letter we wrote to a member we haven't seen in a while. Because she lives in a small town, we decided that if she wasn't home, heaven forbid, we would go tracting. In the end, she was home but didn't want a visit right then. So you know what that means. 

HIT THE STREETS!

Tracting was going about as well as I expected. In the middle of our glorious hour of ringing doorbells, we got a call from the zone leaders. 

Elder Clayton: "Hey, did you already send in IMOS this week?" 

Me: "Yeah, don't worry. By the way, guess what we're doing? Tracting."

Elder Clayton: "Seriously?! Why??"

Me: "I don't want Elder Abbott to take my word alone about how tracting is."

Elder Clayton: "Ahaaa, smart guy. Alright, see you on our exchange."

Then we got a call from the assistants to the president. 

Elder Mangum: "Hey, Elder Aillery. Will you give the opening prayer for progressive training on the 8th?" 

Me: "I'll have to think about it. By the way, we're tracting right now."

"Wait, why?" 

"We literally have nothing else to do."

When we got home, Elder Clayton shot me a text: "Did you finish tracting? How did it go?"

"We finished," I wrote. "We got two contacts, actually. One on the train back to Banská Bystrica and one on the bus back home." Tracting was fun, though.

Week 99: Oops!

I have about 5 minutes to write something. I ran out of time since I was busy PRACTICING THE PIANO, so Mom and Dad can't get mad at me because they've been bugging me to do that for maybe 16 years. Well, all those years finally paid off. 

Quick update, I guess:

I'm training a new missionary, his name is Elder Abbott. You'll hear about how much of a stud he is... next week. 

A father and son came to one of our church meetings and we went to Catholic mass with them that same evening.

That's all, folks. Get lots of sleep tonight.

Week 98: Ešte jedno

Transfer calls are always fun. You find out on Saturday who your next companion and what your next area will be, and then you leave the following Monday. Wednesday night before transfer calls, we figured we could get some juicy details from Prez in advance. Wouldn't be easy, though, so we decided to take a more indirect approach. As an excuse to call him, we thought up a question we could ask about the new missionary handbook. He answered the question very nicely, as expected. 

Elder Clayton: "Well, Prez, thanks for your time, and I don't mean to put more on your plate. I know you have bigger fish to fry."

*awkward silence*

President: "Yeah."

Elder Clayton: "Alrrrighty then, catch you later!"

*phone call ends*

Well, that yielded no results. We called the zone leaders in Hradec Králové to report. 

"How'd it go?" they asked.

"Nothing," said Elder Clayton. "You should call him now and ask the same question. And make sure you use the phrase 'I know you have bigger fish to fry'."

"What did you ask?" they wondered. 

"We asked if we could take the car to do P-day activities," I told them. "He said it's fine, as long as we don't go over our monthly kilometer limit or do anything we're not supposed to."

"I could have told you that," said Elder Mangum. "Anyway, we get home in an hour, so we'll call him then."

"Sounds good." An hour is a long time to wait, so we decided to call him. It didn't go through, so we tried again. Still didn't seem to work, so we tried from Elder Clayton's phone. Then it told us that the line was busy. Oops. Don't know why it didn't say that from MY phone.

Week 97: Veľký mozog

I once mentioned a quiz night that we go to every Wednesday with one of our friends. There we meet up with his friends and compete against other teams in answering questions that test our general knowledge; the winning team gets some sort of prize, but we're only there for the food. And the company. 

Out of the four rounds, you'll find questions like "How many town squares are in Banská Bystrica?" or "What percentage of mass does the sun take up in our solar system?" I don't know why they keep inviting us back, because we know pretty much nothing. Maybe they like us for our looks. 

I do have my golden moments, though. One question was "How many sides has the traffic sign that requires you to come to a complete stop?" You'd think the answer would be obvious, but because they don't have many stop signs in Slovakia and no one on our team had ever driven before, no one knew the answer and so they collectively decided that it's a circle. This was all without my approval. Well, the question was written in Slovak, so it took me a second to catch up, but when I did, I said, "A stop sign? So, that has eight sides."

"Are you sure?" they asked.

"Um... yeah." I had never been so sure and yet at the same time so unsure of anything in my life. It had been a while since I'd seen one of those things and even longer since I'd listened to one. But I stood my ground.

After the round was over, we found out that a stop sign does in fact have eight sides. We got an extra point because of me! I didn't feel too proud, though, because in my mind, it doesn't take a genius us to know something every American should know. Everyone was impressed, though. My friend wrote BIG BRAIN on the test sheet and then drew an arrow pointing at me. You can tell I don't get a lot of these questions right.

***

Missionaries have two sets of funds: mission funds (allowance) and personal funds (to be used for non-missionary purchases). Whenever my semi-monthly allowances come in (not to be mistaken for income), I take all of it out in cash to avoid paying an international transaction fee. Then a couple weeks ago, my mom wrote me out of nowhere something like, "Miles, take out xxx dollars out from your personal funds, I'm closing your bank account." I've never said no to a fat stack of cash before, so I obeyed. 

Well this past week, we had an exchange in Hradec Králové, which is a couple hours worth of driving into the Czech Republic, where they don't use euros. Somewhere along the 6-hour drive, we put 2 and 2 together and realized that despite how loaded we were, we were powerless in the Czech Republic. Did we mooch off of the other elders? Yes. Will they ever be able to use the euro banknote I gave them? Probably.

Weeks 95 and 96: -13 & -12 Lots of Whales

Upon arriving for an exchange in Nitra, which is about an hour away from Bystrica by car, I realized that I had left my nametag at home. Thank goodness Elder Clayton had brought two. We both got to be Elder Clayton for a day. 

***

Have you ever been teaching English to a Slovak, then suddenly he corrects your English? Our good friend (you know, the one whose favorite song is 7-Nation Army) met up with us, and instead of starting off with a card game, we started by talking about the chapter we gave him from the Book of Mormon. After finishing that discussion, he still wanted help with an English assignment, but time had gotten away from us and it was already time for our English class to start. Elder Clayton and I made a quick decision and decided that he would teach our English students while I would help our friend with his assignment in the other room.

Helping my friend included my reading aloud scripts for him so he could answer questions based on the text. I read them in the most manly, actor-like fashion I could muster, except when a woman was supposed to be speaking, then I raised my voice a little. His English must be so advanced, because I myself could hardly understand some of the words in the scripts, yet I somehow knew how to pronounce them, at least as an American would. I was able to pull off an actor's voice quite nicely, nicely enough to convince my friend that my English is well above average, I think.

"Hey!" called Elder Clayton from the other room. "How do you spell the country that borders England just to the left?"

I shouted: "W-H-A-L-E-S"

My friend looked at me in shocked dismay. "No," he shook his head. "That's a big fish!" He proceeded to spell it the correct way to Elder Clayton. My credibility has taken a hit. Oof.

Testimony and Conversion

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we strive to learn the truth of things for ourselves while relying on faith to help us make it through until we get there. For now, none of us knows everything, so faith is important for each of us. A testimony is how you know something is true. I, for example, know that flossing your teeth helps keep them straight. A testimony of a principle becomes personal for you when you have experiences with it. Have you seen the effects of the principle? What do others testify about it? Have you tried applying the principle to a life situation?

Gaining a testimony of truth is definitely important. Alma taught that "even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it... and its motion... and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator" (Alma 30:44, The Book of Mormon). But even more important is conversion or loyalty to what you know is true. If one isn't willing to be loyal to the truth he learns, it's pretty hard for him to come to the right conclusion and he will likely let himself be dissuaded. There's a lot for me to learn about the conversion process, but from what I know now, it starts with a desire to do and become better by strengthening one's testimony of true principles and faithfully striving to live them, even in the face of adversity. Whether your conversion is like a new tree or a great oak, there's still work to be done and it will take time. Don't give up! You'll thank me later.